The Wall We Have Created

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One of the most successful strategies that many of us developed as children was to create a wall that would block out scary, worrisome, and often shocking experiences. It certainly helped us to survive difficult situations, and supported us in growing to the age we are now. But in walling out those experiences, we also walled out the possibility of loving and supportive experiences as well. And we also began disconnecting with the scared parts of ourselves. The problem today is that we STILL often function from that strategy, imposing old fears and reactions to present day situations, that have little or no connection to our past. And we STILL find ourselves walled off from others, and from parts of ourselves.
The first thing is to recognize the amazing job our child did to survive those early situations! There was significant intelligence in blocking out those experiences, that served us well as we grew up. But NOW, we can at least recognize that this strategy is not needed and that it only produces more pain.
The second thing is to respect what the child has done, and be gentle with this wall. Once the child feels safe and can trust our more adult part, we can slowly, slowly address the wall, and maybe even take down a few bricks! Once it becomes apparent that in order to feel joyous, we will need more space to expand into, the next small steps can help bring down more parts of the wall – until it is recognized that it is no longer needed to protect us. Then it becomes more and more understood that life is taking good care of us without the need of the wall. Love…

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